she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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