i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
babies were throwing up all over the place
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
