dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
