Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
