There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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