Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize