Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
