Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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