Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize