I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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