there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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