she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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