Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
