Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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