we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
