ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
