I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
