I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
