I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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