Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
