She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
