I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
