ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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