I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
