woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
love makes seman taste better
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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