I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
