Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
