I want to make a zoo with you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
