can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
