i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just had sex bonerless
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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