I'm really into asian looking animals
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize