Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
