After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
