it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Are my feet made of real feet?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
