the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize