it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
