It's like God shit irony all over that family
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
