I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
