if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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