i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
