i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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