OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
