don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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