That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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