The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize