and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're so nebulous sometimes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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