my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Panties = found
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
