My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize