sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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