Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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