if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
