found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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