there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
