evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
they're like a gay fantastic four
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
