she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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