1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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