I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
