just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
