What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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