I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
