Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
