he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
