You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize