wanna go halves on a baby?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
