you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
