I heard we made out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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