Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
