Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
