she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
