I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
