In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
