I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize