I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
