he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize