I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
