If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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