Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
