Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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