The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I just sharted jello shots
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