woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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