I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize