been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
