I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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