If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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