this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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