the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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