is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm really busy with my period
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