Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
