I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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