i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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