I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
