Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
