I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
