Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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