Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
