you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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