people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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