ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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