This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
