This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
