Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
