I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
