You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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