I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize