we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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