I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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