do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
